Support Group Gems Archive | Teaching Self-Government

Support Group Gems Archive


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Family Riding Bikes

Roles, Rights, Property and Parenting

Login or create a login to hear this audio class. (Don't forget to verify your email too.) Recently, I was asked to speak at the "Stand for the Family" conference. They requested that I give this presentation.... more
overwhelmed teen boy

Freedom Without Consequences

Is your teenaged child not getting everything done that they need to in the day? Are they slacking off on their duties and assignments? I had a mother present me with a similar situation, concerned about her 16... more

Respecting Parental Authority

Training a horse is much like training a child. Treat a horse as if it were your friend, they become overly confident and take control, leaving you at your wit's end as you try to regain control of them.... more
mother talking to younger children

Stepping Away From What They Believe

It's hard to see a good family friend or loved one stray from the things you both know and believe. Things inevitably end up changing. The relationships become different and sometimes strained. However, you sti... more
Families in roller coaster car

Pre-Teaching For Summer Activities

Do you have some awesome family trips or activities planned for this Summer? It's going to be the best Summer ever! However, what are you going to do when the children start acting out? TSG on the go is always... more
Girl daydreaming

Helping Children With Asperger's To Stay Focused

High-functioning Autism/Asperger's can cause children to have a hard time focusing on the task at hand. Simple tasks often become hour-long undertakings, ending up with parent and child frustrated and angry.... more

A Sign Our Society Needs Self-Government

On a recent plane flight I happened to open the magazine provided for passengers by the airline in the seat back pocket. In the magazine there was an article titled “Break Room” about these “Anger Rooms... more
Fish in aquarium

Humanity And Changing Hearts

Humanity is such an interesting thing. Do we really understand it? Do we really know what it is? How do we define "being human?" In order to be human, we must understand nature; what God created. Once we under... more
Boy's hand in girl's face

What Inspires Sibling Rivalry?

Fighting over seat positions in the car, teasing, bragging, one-uping... Does any of this sound familiar? Do situations like these arise frequently in your home between your children? These situations are class... more
Cop writing ticket

Even Adults Have To Use The Four Basics...

We might think that teaching the Four Basic skills is mainly for the children. They're the ones who need them the most, right? Well, maybe adults need them just as much as the children do.... more
Family At Christmas Time

New Exclusive Class! Merry Christmas!

This is a video of a new, exclusive class I gave at the World Congress of Families IX, a conference that brought together speakers from all over the world to talk about the family.... more

Laugh Therapy For Families

There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't find myself laughing, belly-laugh type laughing, with my children.  Just the other day Porter and I were driving dow... more

Gender Confessions: Valuing Men and Women Part 2

The success of the family depends upon each family member feeling valued and fulfilling their full potential.  In this one of a kind video Nicholeen and David talk about how men are facing an identity crisi... more
happy husband and wife

Gender Confessions: Valuing Men & Women Part 1

The success of the family depends upon each family member feeling valued and fulfilling their full potential.  In this one of a kind video Nicholeen and David talk about how men are facing an identity crisis... more
Happy mom and daughter

[Support Group Gem Video] The Mother Stereotype

A friend of mine recently shared this video with me. It is very clever and I must admit that my first inclination was to laugh when I saw it. The video has become widely popular on the internet due to its abili... more

[Support Group Gem] Laws And Family Leadership

Our world is a world of law and order.  The laws of the land may be just or unjust, but for all time there have been laws.  There have been laws for government, laws for clubs and organizations, laws for the... more

Traditions Are Not Taboo

There was a time, not too long ago, when if something was described as “traditional” it was given special attention and even honored socially. Now days many people use the word in a negative way.... more
Three pairs of hands with coins

Support Group GEM: Should Parents Allow Allowance?

[Support Group GEM] People have different views about allowance. Some parents think that children have to have allowance to learn how to manage money. Others think that allowance teaches children to be lazy a... more
Little boy holding pumpkins

Harvesting And Canning: Why?

During this time of year, one of my favorite things to do is to harvest all the produce that I grow on my half-acre of land. But why is harvesting and canning so important?... more

Have Courage!

I have a few poems that are my all time favorites.  This is one of them.  It reminds me that to have courage when I need it most I must already have it within me.  I must nurture my courage each day as I ste... more
Brick Wall

Hitting Walls

There are times for all of us when we "hit walls." These walls can be tough. Walls are really big and really heavy.  To break one requires certain things.  But, it is possible to break these walls. To do so... more
Family Around Dinner Table

A Tip For A Smooth Dinnertime

Hands down, the craziest time of day is dinner time. It is a time when everyone gathers. Parents are often just walking in the door from work and from running errands or children to evening activities. Everyone... more

Support Group: Diplomatic Parenting

Have you ever found that as a child or as a parent, you were too blunt or passive?  That you had a hard time controlling your thoughts and being kind? All in all, being diplomatic?... more

Becoming A Joyful Adult Part 5

So far, we have learned four of the five characteristics of "Becoming A Joyful Adult."  Now we get to learn about the fifth, being: Character. It is who we are.... more

Becoming A Joyful Adult Part 4

This is the fourth part of the "Becoming Joyful Adults" series. The topic of this part is: Relationships.  There are many reasons why relationships are so important to be joyful.... more

Becoming A Joyful Adult Part 3

This week's Gem is the continuation of the "Becoming A Joyful Adult" series.  Part three is about another amazing charactaristic: Purpose.  We have to have purpose in order to have any amount of happiness.... more

Becoming A Joyful Adult Part 2

In this second part of Becoming Joyful Adults, we learn about the second characteristic that we need to be, indeed, a joyful adult and how to help our children be joyful as well.... more

Love And Logic VS Teaching Self-Government

There are many different types of parenting.  One of the most commonly known and used system is Love and Logic.  Some people have asked if Love and Logic is similar to Teaching Self-Government. Is it?... more

Obedience: What And How?

Have your children ever been disobedient?  Obedience is an important aspect in the home.  It creates unity and brings happiness.  But not all people are willing to give it easily.  What has to be in place... more

Parents Say The Darndest Things

I have heard some pretty creative and ridiculous things from the mouths of adults. Here are some of my favorite silly parent things to say and why the parent should pick a new thing to say.   ... more

Drama Queens Getting Hurt

Have problems with negative attention seeking...and drama queens?  This is an answer to one mother's question about her children, who have a tendancy to have emotional meltdowns.... more

Making Logical Parenting Choices

Have you ever made a decision that didn't seem quite logical, to you or other people, but you felt it was the right thing to do? Listen to this audio clip!... more

Low Energy Days

One thing that fails first on low energy days is parenting consistency. Parents start not seeing or correcting mistakes because they are distracted by their low energy.... more

Being Positive And Staying Positive

Have you ever had trouble looking on the bright side of a situation and staying there?  Listen to this audio clip to see what you can do to stay positive and keep your family happy!... more

Media Wars

What do you do when your spouse doesn't agree with you about media choices?  A woman I met explained that it was very hard for her to maintain consistent media standards for the family when her husband doesn'... more

The Importance Of Work

"Work is the anectdote for a sick character." This is what one of my favorite authors, Samuel Smiles, says about work.  Work keeps the family united and happy.  It keeps someone's character strong. ... more

Learning Patience

I got the chance to interview Spencer about his experiences with patience and I got to ask him what advice he had for dads who are struggling to maintain their patience.... more

"Master Your Mother Tongue": Building Character

My father used to always say, "Master your mother tongue and you will make a mark upon the world that will be noticed."  This advice changed my life.  I am still not perfectly articulate, but it is always on... more

The Family Fabric Of Love

This audio segment gives deeper understanding of what love really is and how to foster it with your family and friends.  Some people misunderstand love and how interactions between those who love each other sh... more

Video Of SODAS

My daughter, Paije, and I were asked to do a podcast with Karen Trifiletti, the host of "I Believe."  This video is a portion of that podcast on the subject of SODAS.... more

TSG Builds Strong Relationships

Before I found Teaching Self-Government, building relationships used to be a mystery to me. I remember about 5 years ago I began to learn that building relationships was a good thing to focus on. I used to thin... more

Audio Gem: Is Time Stressing You Out?

Are the holidays stressing you out? How can using Teaching Self-Government skills help you? The holiday season is a very busy time with lots of people to think about, lots of get togethers, and yet we stil... more

Video Gem: Group Problem Solving

As we work toward greater peace in our home, periods of chaos will happen. That doesn't mean we have to choose to make it worse by adding our negative emotion to what is already causing the problem. Instead,... more

Audio Gem: How Do I Trust?

This week's Gem is on improving your tone. It answers the question “How do you trust and help to change their hearts?” “In your homes all you have to do is set up the system and trust that it will work.... more

Can We Have A Relationship With Money?

This is a Gem from a conversation between Nicholeen and millionaire Jerry Norton. Jerry Norton said "Having money does not make you greedy or bad. It makes you more of what you already are. So if you're a gi... more

Having a Moral Family Government

Read Nicholeen's exclusive article for TSG Gems on creating stable moral government in your home. She says, "There are many things that are attacking the morals in our families these days. In fact, along with... more

Video Gem: Recognizing Power Struggles

Do you have a hard time recognizing a power struggle? This week's Video Gem is on recognizing power struggles so we can stop them without getting sucked into them. I heard a description a while ago that a powe... more

What is the vision of your character?

My favorite quote from this Gem is this: "We need to start by forming a vision of what we want our characters to be, and our children need to have the opportunity to form that vision about themselves as well.... more

What Does A Changed Heart Look Like?

No matter where teenagers are, they often behave similarly. So, even though I don't know each teenager personally, I do know how to help them decide to change. And, after teaching for a month in the UK I see ev... more

The Bowler House Cup

This week's Gem is hot off the press from England. This is from Nicholeen:

While in England I met the Bowler family. They love self-government principles and use them really well, but they have also created another aspect to their family economy that is a lot of fun. I thought you would like to see it. They call it "The Bowler House Cup."

You must be a support group member to watch the video.

Becoming Free Through Self-Government

This is my favorite quote from Nicholeen on this Gem: “What we're talking about today is freedom for yourselves: freedom for your body, freedom for your mind, and freedom for your heart. Those are the 3 part... more

Giving & Receiving Instructions

This week's Gem is a reminder on the 1st Basic Skill: Following Instructions.  Specifically, the 5th step of checking back.  These are a collection of my thoughts as I have been learning about giving and helping my children to receive instructions.  

From Rage to Calm

I wrote this blog tonight as part of my personal therapy. I did not necessarily write it for the purpose of sharing it. I am, however, willing to share it. It is what I do. I learn, apply, and share. This is who I am. I am learning self-government. I am not afraid to allow you to see my struggle because I believe you struggle too. I think that my struggle will help you to learn to really overcome yours. I know for myself in the past I have wanted to know how to do things but I have just not had the model of how. Certainly there are countless ways to get return to calm. This blog article is what goes on inside my head.

Hard Habits - Problem Solving with SODAS

We all have challenges in front of us. Regardless of how it may appear from the outside of another person's life, we all have emotional weight inside of us to different degrees. Life would not be a test, or allow us to grow if it did not require our constant effort. The important thing is that we learn to analyze and grow in self-government until we overcome our challenges. Swim upstream and choose to do hard things, then you will choose greatness.

Gem: Seeing Eye To Eye

All of us know that we need to seek to understand because of so many great books of wisdom that have been printed in the past. We may even want to understand. Eventually our heart leads us to come to a place where we ask “How do I really understand their heart when we see things so differently?” Seeking to understand is truly the journey from selfish to sacrifice. Obviously the expanse cannot be traveled in one day. There is, however, one thing each of us can do today to take one step forward in this direction...

Gem, The Window Principle

The window plays a very key role in your relationship. The window absorbs all the negative emotion coming from the other side and keeps it from getting through to you. As you see the other person from your side of the window, you are able to send back love for hate. You can see them in a way that allows you to love them and allows them to change because you are not judging them. If you got angry or reacted to the negative they sent out, it could cause them to drive deeper into their negative behavior.

Gem 7-31-13 Video on How To Help Back Talking and Attitude Problems

Now that I have learned about Teaching Self-Government, I am learning how to stop myself from starting power struggles by first recognizing them and then using the 4 Keys of Self-Government to stop them. It is a continual refinement process and I'm still working every day to use my self-government to step back, and stay calm. The first half of self-government is to stop yourself from doing what you don't want to do. The second half is using assertive action to make yourself do what you need to do to get the results that you really want.

Weekly Gem 3-28-13, Avoiding The Urgency Addiction

In this conference call segment Nicholeen answered the question "What can I do to slow down?" She spoke about Stephen R. Covey's Urgency Addiction:

"It means that you try to make everything so urgent (and) you try to be so efficient, that you stop being effective.”

How Did You Actually Train Yourself To Be Calm?

This Gem teaches about tone. Nicholeen gave this answer on a Conference Call that asked "How did you actually train yourself to be calm?" She talks about looking into their eyes with trust and seeing down into the child's heart. This is an amazing piece and I used it to practice my tone hundreds of times. ~Pennie

Happy and sad face girl

Do You See What I See?

Over the last year, my niece has gone through a change.  The once happy, helpful girl changed into a whiny, depressed, girl that didn't look at life the same.  One day I got left home with the all the childre... more

Fathers: Parent or Playmate Part 2

We have just made a pretty good argument for Dad’s to parent differently and have different experiences with their children.  However, having a different God given role doesn’t mean that Dad should feel se... more

Fathers: Parent or Playmate Part 1

I have had many questions lately asking if fathers should parent different and how to help father become part of mother's vision for the family.  There are many different situations and personalities, so th... more
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