Conference Call on 7-5-13 with "The Parable of The Gardner" | Teaching Self-Government

Conference Call on 7-5-13 with "The Parable of The Gardner"

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Here's what we talked about today:

Segment 1: The Parable of the Gardner from Nicholeen

  • Technical difficulties

  • “The Parable of The Gardner”

Segment 2: The Learning of A Child

  • My child is looking at me but does not seem to be hearing me. He's not following instructions, help!

  • He is very creative and inventive and a future entrepreneur

  • It's good to let them have uninterrupted time in their day to explore and ponder

  • Caution: too much efficiency can kill their love of learning

  • Understanding productivity

  • Some kids get overwhelmed with a long is the list of things

  • Require the check back to help the realize they did it

  • Pre-teaching will help him and you remember to check back

  • When we get slacked, they get slacked like a ship tipping sideways

  • When you get focused they'll get focused

  • Make sure he's looking in your eyes when give the instruction

  • Make a production out of giving the instruction

  • How to get him to leave his thoughts and focus with you

  • Changing locations help them open a 'new document'

  • Might need to do time limits to help him stay focused

  • Story of last night: Forgot the ice-cream because she didn't do the task immediately and check back

  • I don't want him to feel like there's something wrong with him

  • Extra chores can be anything (getting Popsicles); the idea is that you talk about it consistently

Segment 3: Role of Older Children With The Younger Children

  • Family culture question

  • Siblings parenting and training younger children like the Dugger Family

  • The Aponte Movie DVD parenting other siblings

  • If Quinn is ever in charge, things are quite laid back

  • Rules I give Paige when babysitting at home

  • My younger children are expected to follow instructions from the older children

  • What we do with the Rule of 3 or doing the Rule of 3 over the phone

  • When Paige does babysitting she teaches the children the 4 Basic Skills

  • Consider the personality of your child

  • Main thing is that the teaching does not happen from a selfish perspective

  • Pre-teaching how siblings should act with each other

Segment 4: Teaching Selflessness

  • How do you teach sharing with young children?

  • When a person learns to be selfless, it takes a good amount of problem solving and maturity to conquer the selfishness

  • Babies and small children by nature are very selfish (self focused)

  • Conquering it within yourself is going to do the most good

  • After you act on duty, you are filled with an abundance of love

  • At first it's just painful

  • After you sacrifice you are blessed with purpose, vision, and meaning

  • Fulfilling your duty in your other relationships will help you conquer that beast within you

  • Understanding children are in a selfish stage and you can show them what it looks like when they're older

  • This is a day and age when it is really hard to sacrifice

  • Story: Laura and Mary Ingalls in “The Little House on the Prairie” of the beaded necklace

  • Learning to give the best that we have

  • Story of Laura Ingalls and the cookie: In the habit of wanting to share and sacrifice

  • Story of 4-year-old Quinn giving his new favorite toy – giving the best to others

Segment 5: Sexual Abuse

  • I don't really have evidence but I've heard a rumor about a person in my daughter's life with a history of sexual abuse

  • The abuse of gossip on an innocent adult

  • How do I know if my daughter has been sexually abused?

  • How do I protect others from getting abused?

  • How I handled a similar situation

  • Forgiving and allowing the abuser to repent and still protect your children

  • Checking the register online or find “Sex Offender List”

  • Teaching children where boundaries are and how to stay safe

  • The key is to train the children and to be there

  • When I'm okay with my children playing at other people's houses

  • Comment - high alert red flag - look for broken boundaries because of sexual abuse

  • 99% of time with my foster children who had been sexually abused, they had boundary problems

  • Social training with boundaries with other people

  • Talking to your daughter about sexual abuse

  • Why I sometimes give no answers because there is danger of those boundaries being crossed

  • How to react if there is something that has happened, be safe and calm no matter what

  • The difference between paranoia and caution

  • What happens in the mind of the abused child

Segment 6: Step Back and Trust

  • Approaching the situations from an emotional place

  • Being emotionally attached to the instruction with a feeling of desperation

  • While teaching you have to have complete trust that the child needs it, desires it, and can learn it

  • Trust your ability to teach

  • Tell yourself “The children can learn this” - self-talk in worried situations

  • No fear and complete trust

  • Step back physically and mentally

  • Looking at myself looking at the situation

  • It's just one moment

  • You can trust one thing and not another

  • Husband trusting in situations with guns

  • Spencer has to remind himself in the house “It's just a mess.”

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