Changing Perspective...You Can Do It. | Teaching Self-Government

Changing Perspective...You Can Do It.

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Nicholeen, I’ve got “bubblegum pink” paint all over the carpet (and some furniture) right now that should NOT be there, and I have yelled and got angry at 3 of the 9 kids one who is under 24 hr priviledge loss but didn’t have anything to do with it, and I came in to my computer to take a breather and look what I found in my inbox! I was already feeling bad, and your article is the big dose of truth I need, but how do you turn it around when you’ve really blown it? Do I just bounce in with my new perspective, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Did this happen to you in the beginning? Thanks and God bless with your health issues.

OH....................That is frustrating for sure.  I feel your pain, and your frustration.  I have to say, I have never had that one happen before.  But, I have had my share of paint spills, gum on the carpet, bubble spills, and marker on the walls.  Some children are just naturally more curious than others aren't they?  My children have never been too curious, but they have had friends over the years who have been and have started creative play in motion. 

To answer you question, Yes.  There is no rule that says you have to stay in a bad mood over something.  If you have seen the light and feel bad then you have to practice self government and put things back into perspective.  This is what I would do.  1. Make a list of the things I said or did that was out of control and out of character as a self controlled parent. 2. Make a list of at least two other things you could have done to make the situation turn out as a positive learning experience instead of an emotional mess.  You are essentially doing a SODA here. 3. Bring the paper to your children.  Show them where you went wrong and what you should have done.  Then practice doing the situation all over again the right way.  Tell the children that whatever threats, or consequences you blurted out are void and that new consequences will be decided upon.  Apologize for your lack of self control and accept your responsibility in the situation too.  You probably turned your back when you shouldn't have too.  ;)  It always seems to happen that way for me.  4. Have an emergency family meeting about the issue at hand.  (For this kind of meeting you skip the announcement section).  Decide on a negative consequence for this kind of behavior in the future and a positive consequence for reporting the behavior.  You may also want to temporarily decide upon a positive consequence for chosing to play or do crafts clean.  5. Close the meeting and have a family clean up time.  You help in this too.  Teach them how to clean it up.  Make it a project to destroy the evidence.  Praise all good cleaning ideas and good efforts.  Make sure your children know it is an instruction to help with clean up and that they need to follow the instruction.  I hope this helps.  All is not lost.  What if today was your last with your children?  Really, we never know when our last will be.  If it was your last, you would laugh and have a great time cleaning it up.  You would want to be the funnest cleaning partner there was.  Be it every day.  Enjoy the small moments.  Keep practicing this mentality.  If you ever feel stressed or frustrated look for a way to connect to your children more instead of disconnect by blowing up.  It's never too late to say sorry and show your children the self government example.  :)

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